New Years is often the time when many declare their resolutions for the new year. On New Years Eve I went to bed at 11. J had other plans and woke us all up at midnight.
And yet without fail somehow in that interlude between New Years and my birthday I begin to think of goals. Perhaps it is because my blog feed suddenly begins to fill with goals for the new year but most likely it is my birthday creeping up on me and I am becoming ancient. Birthdays have a way of making us reflect and look forward.
On Monday it was my birthday. It wasn't a milestone birthday, just a quiet affair. As always on my birthday I had carrot cake. I am a creature of habit. L baked it for me. He's fabulous. I like to think of a new year as one that begins with my birthday.
I began drafting a list of goals on my birthday, but it was just that a draft. In one moment I thought I should make a goal for every year of my life but I ran out of ideas that I could realistically accomplish. Life has a way of foiling with my goals. And so now as a I eat my leftover birthday carrot cake I return to that drafted list of goals for the new year. I decide I'm going to pick one out of that list and really try to make that my focus for the year.
This one goal, what is it? Friendship.
I am grateful for the handful of friends that have hung onto me over the years when I have moved from city to city. I enjoy reading of all the antics of my online blogging friends. Sometimes I feel a little lonely however when I hear of all the fun everyone has been having without me. I've discovered where you are you also need friends.
I find it difficult to cultivate friendship, my fears & insecurities get in the way, and sometimes I let time and inaction stifle the flame of what might be a new friendship. Or I sabotage myself by thinking why would they want to be friends with me? And I focus on all the things I think I am not. This year when someone says we should get together I'm going to stop right there and set a date, make plans. I'm going to follow up. I'm going to invite. I'm going to invest in cultivating friendships. Lord help me with my insecurities.
Today I had what I hope will become a good friend over and we made cookies. She is quirky, smart, and creative. It was a delightful turn of events. Last year she had also come over, I think I had ordered something from one of her home based businesses, and I had made these cookies then as a snack. She had requested the recipe and I kept meaning to send her the recipe. Time marched on and my good intentions of writing out the recipe on a cute card stood in the way. Then in a Facebook exchange I bring up that silly recipe relaying I still intend to get it to her. Recipe? Oh right, yes she would still like the recipe. And then I thought really R just text a photo of the recipe don't be so precious with making up a pretty recipe card. She replied back maybe we should hang out sometime and make them-- "hang out and food can't go wrong."See right there...that sometime is often an opportunity I don't take. This year though sometime is my invitation to set in motion a time to get together. Friendship I've read is often the result of three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other.
Friendship is good. It is fun. It is worth the effort.
What has been your experience with making new friends as an adult? Any tips?
Do you have a goal for the new year?
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