I loved the book Wild! And the movie was equally great even though it was over so soon. I wanted more. Reece Witherspoon was great in this role. I would love and yet be entirely scared to hike the Pacific Coast Trail. I'd be afraid of bears, rattlers, dirty water, no water, getting lost, scary men.
I found myself in a nervy situation the other day when on one of my adventures of investigating neighborhoods I encountered some men that made leering calls at me and were quite scary. I quickly found my car, got in, locked the doors saw the one guy following me in my rear view mirror and peeled out of there.
I get walking a 1000 km to vanquish all that haunts you, the mistakes you've made and to find courage in yourself again. To find yourself again.
It's easy to lose yourself. To feel all tangled up and anxious. To just be uncomfortable in your own life. I've felt that way often. Twice I escaped and went off for a year to a new city to study. That was good for my soul. I never felt so alive as then, or so broke. It was cartharic and I journaled my agonies and cried so much those years it is a wonder I enjoyed those years so deeply.
There is a list of books that Cheryl read along the PCT that I am curious to read. I haven't read much in the past few weeks even though I've had more time than ever to read now that I am not working. I guess I'm a little on edge right now and find it hard to relax into a good read. Thinking about selling the home and being a slight bit overwhelmed at selling it, cleaning it and having it ready to show at all times. Thinking about our impending transfer for our frozen embryo transfer this Friday. Earlier this week I was up before the sunrise to make the three hour drive to Calgary for my 9 am appointment for ultrasound. I always like to get there a little sooner in case of construction or traffic. I brought a book along in case I had extra time but didn't even crack the cover. I just stared out the window at the clinic until they called my name and I had to derobe from the waist down and lie on the gurney with the paper sheet. It was Dr. Greene presiding. I passed my ultrasound with a 9.7 mm lining. It needs to be at least 8 mm. Then I ran some errands and ended up at my brothers. I was glad he had the day off. Then the three hour long ride home and finally to bed.
It's exciting and yet I am trying to not be swept up in it too much as dreaming too high has a harder landing if it does not work out. L is resigned in this process. I'd hoped he would have taken Thursday night off to join me Friday but I think he's afraid to hope. So it's just me on that gurney. Today they are supposed to call me with the time of my transfer. They will only put one embryo in. I asked how many they thaw and Caroline my nurse said they only thaw one at a time and if that one does not make it they thaw a second. Anything they thaw they have to use she said. I was glad to hear this. I'm hoping we have another chance at this again to hopefully have a second or third child. I plugged in my dates in the FET calculator and friends look at what I got!!!
It says singleton due date January 9! So exciting! I tried to be like Mary and treasure all these things in her heart but I couldn't as soon as my mom called I spilled the news or I told her to guess the date. And guess what?! She guessed January 9th. Your probably wondering why I'm going on about this. That's my birthday! I know babies rarely come on their due dates but I thought it was exciting nevertheless and hopefully a good sign.
Anyways wish me luck for Friday! Prayers appreciated too.
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