May

I am delighted to see my plum and apple trees in bud. Spring is so exciting for new growth. It's energizing. The birds are back. I love to hear them chirping early in the morning through my window. They are happily hopping around my back yard looking for worms or bugs.

L has left for Saskatchewan to start work. Today he texted me to tell me training involved new fire fighting gear but that the boots were too big and now he has blisters, putting out fires with dry chemical, setting up hoist systems to rescue and lower person who might need to rescue someone in hole, and going into burning containers to watch fire.

Last month my big dilemma was this:

Should I:

A. Sell my house, quit my job and go with L to hunt for new house in Regina, make new friends in new city, explore new city, forfeit any parental leave for awaited referral for adoption
B. Put my house up for sale, apply to new jobs, find a one-two bedroom apartment to rent in new city and visit L on weekends, sell house, find new job in Regina, purchase new home in new city, potentially forfeit parental leave depending on where I am in equation when I receive referral for adoption
C. Find renters for house, move in with my in laws, find a bachelor apartment to rent for L in new city, visit on weekends, continue to wait for referral and parental leave
D. Consider L's career in Saskatchewan to be a two year blip, enjoy single status while he is away, find him a bachelor apartment in new city, visit him on weekends, retain house, enjoy two incomes, continue to wait for referral and parental leave and return to career here when parental leave expires.

Things to think about:
6-8 month wait after referral ... How long until even a referral? Or what if the wait after the referral is even longer? How long will this living in two separate provinces be? I miss L already.
Cost of having two homes/commuting... Will this extend to the winter when maybe with weather we can't see it each other? What will be the effect on our marriage to be apart?

Wrestled with choices until...

I was cautioned against moving from one province to another before the adoption. So it is with a heavy heart that waiting has taken on a new meaning. My heart was for choice A. Choice B was also fascinating and I had some incredible leads on jobs. Choice C was a definite uggh choice and I was glad when L also was not in favor of C.

This month I've come to accept my lousy fate. Decided to try to lose some weight. And wait.

We are increasingly thinking it will not be a two year blip. This might be a long term move. L has a size able moving allowance of several and then some thousands from his company but it needs to be used in six months. So should we move our belongings? Put belongings in storage in new city? Will L move into a new house without me within six months? Or forfeit moving allowance?

We've looked at building too. I have a favorite house plan. Dreams! We contacted a builder to learn it would be nine months until completion. I almost laughed at the irony.

Adoption is not easy. I've laid my case before God. All I hear is silence.

I don't know what the next few months will entail. I'd love if we were to hear we have a referral. It would make this season easier.

I wanted with all my heart to give my notice of two weeks last week. My job is increasingly taxing and I find the weight of responsibility increasing. My colleague laughs at me and says that is the price I have to pay for success.

At any rate I think a vacation to San Francisco is in order or maybe even Jamaica. L has an awesome work schedule for vacation flexibility. Yay!!