The Picture Perfect Project Linkup

I was excited to learn of a year long monthly link-up hosted by some fabulous ladies that involved photography. One of my goals for 2016 is to learn how to use my DSLR camera. L bought me a camera for my birthday last year and still it befuddles me. I thought by linking up with some other bloggers I might glean some tips and also stay motivated to continue to learn.

I have signed up for an online photography course that I will share more about as I learn some new skills. So far I have yet to dive into the online course and have only read the first lesson which involved a number of photography terms. I also hope to learn photoshop because I think with editing some of my almost great photos could be fabulous.

Early in my pregnancy I booked a professional photographer to take newborn photos...but then we decided to have the baby in MJ so I had to cancel my session with the photographer. I did not want to drive 3+ hours in the first week of my baby's life just to have a newborn photo session. I investigated hiring a local MJ photographer but was not crazy about paying $125 for the sitting fee plus a minimum of $500 and up for the digital files following for a photographer who's style I was not crazy about. While initially I was a little disappointed because I realize the newborn stage is so fleeting I decided that I would wait until baby J was 6 months to fly home and have my friend who is an amazing photograper take photos. So this is all to say that I thought maybe I would try taking newborn photos on my own.

I have a newfounded respect for newborn photographers. Babies are squirmy! I wanted to take those cute newborn photos where when the baby is naked you can position their hands and toes. The problem was Baby J as soon as one decides to change her outfit she wakes up and waves her arms and legs in pure excitement. Baby J loves having her photos taken actually. She doesn't get all fussy and so I also get to count it as her wake time because she has lots of fun moving and groving. She loves to pose. Unfortunately I do not have the greatest skills yet to capture all these poses in a flattering way.

So I decided for my link-up to have a mini photo session at least once a week and try to at least achieve one or two photos each week that would make my DSLR proud and hopefully by the end of the year I will have some great photos and also have learned a few things along the way. Also hopefully by the end of this year I will have more than one or two photos from each photo session that will be fabulous! Check back the second Thursday of each month to see Baby J in photos and my progress towards becoming a stellar photographer.

So here is Baby J at one week old and two weeks old. Baby J came along conveniently for the start of this 52 week project.

Baby J One Week Old Photo Session Favorite Photo:

Baby J Two Week Old Photo Session Favorite Photo:

I was very excited in week 2 to discover which window creates the best light for photography in my house. 

Is developing your skills as a photographer an interest of yours? If you would like to join this monthly photo challenge link up click on the link below. The idea is to challenge yourself to take more photos, however that may look for you, and link up on the second Thursday of the month.

Starting today!

If you missed out on this month it is never to late to join!

Grab your camera and start clicking.

Or click on the link below to visit other bloggers who have linked up and see what photography skills they are learning.

Juniper's Birth Story

On Thursday, December 24th I had an appointment with Dr. Yusuf, an OBGYN. He set the date for my induction, Tuesday December 29. On Monday I also had an appointment with my regular doctor, Dr. Dautremont who would be delivering the baby. Dr, Dautremont tried to strip the membrane but it was unsuccesful. That evening I packed my hospital bag. I overpacked. Clearly you only need a fraction of the items on the recommended list as almost everything is supplied by the hospital save the items you would want following your discharge.

Tuesday we were at the hospital bright and early for our 8 am induction with the doctor on call. I slipped on some ice/ the curb and fell just before getting in to the hospital. Luckily I did not fall on my belly but badly skinned my knee.

I was checked into my own private room. The new hospital in MJ is a very nice facility. Women give birth in their own spacious private room and there is a couch that makes into a bed for dad. We were excited for this big day! What would unfold?

The doctor on call was hard to understand. He inserted the cervidril. Cervidil is a vaginal insert that contains a type of medication called a prostaglandin. It helps jumpstart labor by softening the cervix and preparing it for birth. It was super uncomfortable. After the nurse Alli appologized for not having had the opportunity to let me know what was about to take place and sign the waivers.

I had only light cramping. I walked the halls for over an hour hoping this might speed things up as well as took a bath. L used the time to study for work.

Lare morning my water broke. I wasnt sure at first if it had because I felt a pop and there was only a little gush of liquid. We called for the nurse and she confirmed it was then she checked my cervix.

As the moring/mid afternoon progressed so did the contractions. The contractions I felt strongly as pain in my lower back. I tried to use the bath to help with the pain as well as stand. Mostly I had to stand hanging on L. It was very intense coming sometimes one contraction on top of another and no more than 2 minutes apart. This was the most pain I had ever experienced in my life. L asked if I could have an epidural. Because I was 3 cm dialated the nurse was able to call the doctor and he gave the go ahead for an epidural. It was good we asked when we did as it took over an hour for the anesthesiologisr to arrive.  I remember praying he would arrive soon.

The epidural took some time to take effect. It was not a standing epidural so I had to return to the bed. The relief from the epidural on my lower back was immense. I quickly progressed from 3cm to 8 cm. And then my contractions slowed down.

Dr. Dautremont arrived around 5 to check in from his regular practice. The nurse recommended he go home for supper. My contractions continued to lag and the nurse suggested they may have to use a vacuum. She instructed me to push when I felt a contraction pushing for ten seconds, taking a breath and then repeating twice. It was odd as the contractions sometimes I had to guess if they actully were, I was quite numb on my left side.

My parents arrived around 6. They went with L to the cafeteria for some dinner. My mom was too keyed up to eat so returned to be with me in the room.

At around 7 the nurse made the call to the doctor requesting they add in the drug syntocinon. Syntocinon contains oxytocin. Synthetic oxytocin is used to stimulate labour that has started naturally, but is considered too weak to push out the baby. In this case the medicine strengthens the contractions of the uterus. Three times they had to increase the dosage. By 7:45 the nurses had a shift change and the doctor had arrived. He checked on how things were progressing and said he could see the babies head. He changed as did the nurses. The nurses scurried around preparing the birthing materials. I was busy pushing and breathing while L counted.

It happened quite quickly actually from the time Dr. Dautremont and the two nurses were ready. They were very encouraging and helped with the timing of the pushing with each contration. In no time at all our baby girl was here! She was born at 8:24 pm. The doctor suctioned her mouth when she arrived. L and my mom both watched her being born. She had her tiny arm right up by her eye and the umbelical cord wrapped around her arm. The doctor slipped the umbelical cord off her arm. The doctor said he had never seen anyone smile as much as me giving birth. I was so excited to have this baby and the epidural definitely helped!

I had some minor tearing the doctor said so as he stiched me up the nurses did their assesments, measurements and cleaning. She had low blood sugar when she was born.

We named her Juniper Alexis. Prior to giving birth we went back and forth between Alexis or Juniper as the first name. I was so pleased we chose Juniper as her first name when her daddy said he felt like she was a Juniper to him.

It was the best feeling in the world to finally hold baby Juniper when they returned her to my arms all swaddled up. We are so in love with her.

I'm envious of all the women with the big kahunas

I`m envious of all the women who breastfeeding came naturally too. The women with nipples. The women whose babies prefer breast milk, who eagerly suck, who are patient with fumbling attempts. When asked while pregnant what I planned to do to feed my baby by health professionals following my babies birth I responded easily without question I planned to breast feed. I never considered it might not work. Or that it would be so much work. 

After J was born she had low blood sugar so the hospital had her on premixed formula, similac sensitive. As you will recall I had gestational diabetes and hadn`t eaten anything since breakfast. They had me on an insulin drip also. J was born at 8:24 pm. In the hospital she developed quite a taste for formula.  The nurses would prick her foot at every feeding to test her blood sugars. It was so sad to see her howl in displeasure and pain. Her blood sugars continued to rise to normal rates but yet they continued to poke until I was discharged. 

My breasts were not cooperating with feeding. I later learned that sometimes the drug Syntocinon used to speed up contractions will flatten your nipples on my already flat chest. J would get frustrated with the plastic nipple shield and wail. After finally requesting late on Wednesday I was given a breast pump to try to encourage breast milk production.

We were sent home. J was born on Tuesday evening. We were discharged early Thursday morning. 

I didnt really see much of the medical staff on Wednesday as there were some emergency c-sections on the ward and other scurrying around with code this and that announced over the intercom. Suffice it to say I had not figured out breastfeeding. I thought they would have had someone come in during my time in the hospital to provide some pointers.

Two days later a public health nurse visited our home. I now understand the day 4-5 postpartum blues. She tried to give me pointers and little J panicked and cried so hard. I had never seen my baby cry so hard. The health nurse to calm her put a blue plastic glove on and stuck her finger in little J`s mouth. It was a little shocking. Finally baby J calmed down and the health nurse left but not before booking me an appointment the following week with a lactation consultant.

My friend K had lent me her Medela Swing pump. I was attempting to nurse J. She would try then give up when there wasn`t the immediate gratification of milk on demand. Or cry out of frustration. So out came the bottle. I would then pump for up to an hour. It was exhausting. I was so sleep deprived trying to keep this up every 2-3 hours. 

I was very emotional. L was disappointed I was giving up and not giving our baby the best chance at nutrition and the opportunity to ward off possible future health risks. I cried and cried and cried. I feel like a failure as a mom. My mom, L`s mom and countless others told me to not give up, that I wasnt trying hard enough, that I just had to give it time, to eat this, to drink that, to try this, to try that. I feel bad that I want to give up, that I havent tried hard enough, that I havent pumped enough, that I havent tried to make her latch more, that I havent eaten all the recommended foods enough or drank enough milk thistle tea. Ive watched a number of youtube videos to see how other women are breastfeeding and all I see are big kahunas and think no wonder those women can breastfeed they have nipples! 

Am I failing baby J? 

I think of my brothers and my husband who were all fed formula. They are all intelligent, healthy men - three engineers and a lawyer. They all have developed healthy attachments. For the most part they are healthier than me the breastfed baby. 

I really wish I could do this but maybe I cant.

On Monday I spent the day in Emergency with a blood clot in my leg. Luckily I do not have DVT but it is still uncomfortable and I need to be careful. Up until this point I had still been pumping. My parents were home watching J and giving her the bottle of formula mixed with what little I had been able to pump. Sitting in emerg it wasn`t until late afternoon that L got the idea to borrow the breast pump from Women`s Health. That was the most I had ever pumped: 2 ounces. It gave us a spark of hope that maybe we could still do this. Back home I was down to my regular 10-20 mL when pumping every two-three hours. 

Wednesday came and a trip to the lactation consultant. Up until half an hour before I was ready to cancel on my appointment. J was a model student. What?!? She actually latched, nursed and cooed. I was floored. Maybe we could do this. Back home again a few hours later J was hungry. She wouldn`t have breast milk. 

The lactation consultants put me on a two hour schedule and lent me a pump that pumps on both breasts at once to hopefully cut down on the time I was spending pumping. I guess she could see how exhausted I was. Hour 1: Wake J up, change, position, latch, feed, then pump for remaining 5 minutes. Hour 2: Put J down to sleep and have a rest also. Ok it sounds great in theory, but I couldn`t keep it up. Sometimes it takes me up to an hour to fall asleep. Or baby J will not go to sleep without being cuddled and rocked. The nurse called back to see how it was going and told me to keep pumping and to take the weekend off from nursing.

Ive reseached other schedules. Miss J does not like to be on a schedule. I`m still trying. I tried to put J down for a nap this morning so that I could pump. She wouldn`t sleep on her own and so I had to pick her up and rock her in my arms until she fell asleep cutting short our pumping session.

So all this to say I don`t think breastfeeding is in the works for us and I feel crummy. 

The bright spot in my life is J. She is growing and changing every day. She weighed 5 pounds 7 ounces when she was born. When she was discharged she had gained an ounce and was 5 pounds 8 ounces. Usually babies loose weight upon birth. At the consultation with the lactation consult she was up to 5 pounds 11 ounces and on Friday when we went to see the doctor for her checkup 11 days after birth she was up to 5 pounds 14.5 ounces.  

I want to enjoy these days and not feel lousy about not breastfeeding. I want my baby girl to get the best version of me, one that is not stressed, exhausted, frustrated, pressured, shamed. I want her to feel loved. Isnt she adorable? She melts my heart. I want to give her the best and then some.

Baby J I am sorry that mommy is flat chested. 

Introducing Baby J

On December 29th this precious one joined our family.

We are overjoyed!

She is a delight and has stolen our hearts.

Juniper Alexis

5 pounds 7 ounces